THE ASKTATION

Dear Ask Boz,

As a newly single woman I find myself with quite the dilemma. There is only one Ask Boz and I am unprepared for assimilation. What is a girl to do? So, once I overcome the heartache of knowing that Ask Boz will never be mine, what course of action should I take in finding the next best thing? There must be a twelve step program somewhere. Please help me mend my broken heart, my Ultimate game is starting to suffer. Desperately Seeking the Second Coming of Ask Boz,

SPC

RESPONSORIAL

Dear SPC,

Thank you so much for asking this question, because your plea unites with the echoing cry of others who are also shamefully Ask Bozless. Like you, thousands of women, men, and disguised extra-terrestrials, face the howling void of this pointless existence without an Ask Boz by their side.

Do not lose hope. You may have read in the papers recently about the embryo cloning experiments carried out in North Korea. Well, like you, most people thought, “Those are probably Ask Boz embryos,” and you were right. Together with our colleagues in this rogue communist nation, we have developed the process of “Reverse Doriccolumn Oogenesis,” allowing us to essentially mass produce Ask Boz for all slavish mankind. Are you ready to Build Your Own Boz!?...!?

Are you tough on the outside but really a lost little girl on the inside, Angelina J.? Try out “Damsel in Distress” Ask Boz. Have you just not met the man you can completely cow and dominate, Angelina J.? How about a little “Saucily Submissive” Ask Boz to beat and degrade? Are you in a strict Hindu family that is presently looking for your life mate? You'll buy an “Arranged Marriage" Ask Boz with Action Dowry. Available for all castes!

We could go on, but the question burning on your tongue is “WHEN! When does this sweet miracle take place!” Truly, we can say, by next Valentine’s Day, each and every Ask Boz lovin’ one of you can have a specifically tailored Ask Boz to fit your needs. Why the wait? Our exclusive contract with the North Koreans ends in November of this year. Right now, our total focus is on producing “Destroy the Soulless Imperialist” Ask Boz, and the popular “Your Capitalist Dog Tongues will Pave the Roads of Our Glorious Cities” Ask Boz. Trust us, this experience is just helping us perfect our control of the Ask Boz Clonanonameter.

So just click on Boz Central, build your own Ask Boz, and be patient! The emptiness and weeping, as well as that strange, itchy rash, will soon be put to an end.

Yours,

Ask Boz