Ask Boz
10/27/08
Dear Ask Boz, Who is the Anti-Boz?
George Will is the Anti-Boz.
The differences are obvious. While Ask Boz writes about complete nonsense in an open, understandable, and affirming way, this George Will fellow writes about "facts" and "serious ideas." This wouldn't be so bad if he 'splained it all easy like for us common types, but, you see, his writing is just too hard to understand.
He writes things like: "AIPCS is one of six highly prescriptive schools Whitman studied, where 'noncognitive skills' - responsible behaviors such as self-discipline and cooperativeness - are part of the cultural capital the curriculum delivers." I mean, I'm sure he's making a super-good point, but I have no freakin' idea what that might be. Confusion equals BORING!
Just then, George Will will write something that doesn't seem quite so Anti-Boz. There is some hope when he writes: "Conservatives are sometimes justly accused of ascribing magic powers to money and markets..." You're like, "There ya go, Willie! Magic Powers! Sweet! You're gonna write about a dragon next, right?"
Nope. You see, unlike Ask Boz, poor George is trapped in reality, so he continues with: "Increase the monetary demand for anything, and the supply of it will expand..." You know, more of that "what is actually happening now" crap. How is that magic? That's magic in, like, boring land. Where's the damsels or dwarfs? Friends, at Ask Boz you get real magic. Magic swords, magic rings, Elvish extremism, magic backpacks. We even have Gandalf locked up in a cave! It's wrong, but that's just how magic we are.
But the lack of captive fictional sorcerers isn't the only way George Will is the Anti-Boz. By way of comparison, Ask Boz is written under strict rules: the writer must be drunk, and the composing of the post must take no more than seven minutes. No mercy is given to any Ask Boz that fails to adhere to these stringent requirements.
However, with George Will you get the strong sense that he actually, kinda thinks about his columns before he writes them. Like, really thinks, and maybe even does research. Book research, not just Googling some crap and going with the flow. Probably makes more than one draft. Brrrr! It sounds really hard. Maybe we should respect it, but Super Apes don't waste hard on work, bozzatch!
Unlike Mr. Will's syndicated column, Ask Boz is posted to the internet by an individual pretending to be a fictional collective ape species. As our nemesis George Will maintains the pretense of his humanity, he also, in a most Anti-Bozlike way, is published in print form. This means he actually had to earn his way into the job. But it also means that he had to sell out to the liberal newspaper syndicates. Unlike him, Ask Boz disdains such trivialities as "publication," general acceptance, readership, "payment," name recognition, TV appearances, or "clothing."
As such, we dare sweet Willie to respond to us. Are you ready to face your opposite, Gee Dub? You can wuss out and just answer us in print, or you can take the Ask Boz challenge and respond to us in sky writing. You've heard of economy of words, right, GW? Put us in our place in three words or less.
We double-dog-dare ya.
Ask Boz
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