Real questions. Unreal answers.

6/10/09

Dear Ask Boz,

Will Archie really marry Veronica?
Kevin

Dear Kevin,

As you can see from this image it appears to be true. But then I noticed that this comic was only episode one of six. So I did a little checking around and found out the whole truth. And it is as shocking and scandalous as a video of Paris Hilton with her clothes on.

As everyone knows, Veronica Lodge is insanely rich. How is Archie going to get an engagement ring that she won't laugh at? To get a ring magnificent enough to impress her, Archie has only one choice in this tough economy: start a meth lab. The huge profit margin got Archie the money he needed, but at a terrible cost: his best friend Jughead got hooked.

Archie is faced with an impossible decision: face his responsibility and use the money to get Jughead help, or ditch his friend to get the ring of Veronica's dreams. He has little choice: he checks his friend into rehab, leaving him broke and wondering if he will ever have enough money to buy Veronica the ring she desires.

Having already gone down the drug manufacturing road, it won't shock you that Archie is quickly willing to strip down and sell his body. And don't feel bad for Archie: cartoon characters aren't bound by the same morals as we are. Any action that moves along the plot is ok!

So, remember the original picture of the proposal? See the jeweler leering in the background? No, he's not enjoying the magical moment, or the sale of a ring. He's remembering the sensual contrast of Archie's pale white flesh pressed against his dark skin. Which is kinda sexy, if you think about it.

But, you know, all's well that ends well, and it does make for quite a dramatic six part series. And I didn't even bring up Betty's spiral into pills and subsequent salvation by Scientology.

Yours,

Boz


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