Real questions. Unreal answers.

3/2/09

Dear Boz,

It's my birthday today and I am feeling rather depressed. I don't know why, so do you think you could help me with something to brighten my day?
Jess L.

Dear Jess,

Jess, I have just the thing. It's a story about a little guy called Pippy the Tipsy Puppy Dog.

Pippy is a cheerful fellow. He likes to wag his little tail back and forth. See that look? That's the look of a happy, mildy drunk dog.

Everyone loves Pippy the Tipsy Puppy. Even Sauron and Lord Voldemort. So give him a treat. NO! BAD HUMAN. Don't give him one of those! Pippy wants a drink! What is Pippy's favorite drink? Anything that helps get him tipsy! That's the kinda puppy Pippy is. Tipsy. And you can't get tipsy without drinking!

Pippy, why do you drink so much? What was that again? "Rarf rarf!" That's why you drink? Whoa. That's pretty heavy, Pippy. Sorry.

Don't worry about Pippy. He can handle his tipsiness. He says he feels like he's a better puppy when he's a little buzzed. Things don't bother him so much, like his owner's obsession with that red ball. "If he wants it back so badly, why does he keep throwing it away every time I get it for him?" Pippy growled. "Being a little tipsy helps deal with the problems of the world." Then Pippy laps his tongue a few times into his gin and tonic. Good boy, Pippy! Good Boy!!!

Do you want to be happy like Pippy, Jess? You do? Good. Then get a little tipsy on your birthday, get down on the floor, and vigorously chew on a Nylabone for about 12 minutes. Then hop up on the couch, curl into yourself, give a big sigh, and go to sleep for as long as you please.

Happy Birthday
Boz

Last time: Dig Queen Eliabeth really have six fingers?

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