Ask Boz


Home Ask Boz Grande Ask Boz Express Ask Boz Ultimate
Home Archive Archive Archive




What are all these black helicopters doing here?

Ah, the threatening black helicopter. Since you are suffering from CHIPS, Chronic Human Illin' Paranoia Syndrome, you are expecting us to tell you they are your government spying on your useless life. Does world security depend on your bleary-eyed choice between Corn Flakes and Cheerios in the morning?

No! Black helicopters are actually the vehicle of choice for the modern angel. Angels no longer fly around with white robes and wings: though humans would love that, angels are surprisingly fashion conscious. Black helicopters are totally edgy and cool, and they give normal angels powers once reserved for Archangels like Gabriel, Michael, and Norbert. Some of these powers are:

- improved hovering - angels are a lot denser than hummingbirds, and hovering to protect you from danger used to be totally exhausting.
- lethal rocket attacks - no longer confined to passive protection, angels can now blow your enemies to tiny bits with very modern and fashionable explosions and civilian casualties.
- angels can finally pick up hot succubae, who are so impressed by the helicopter, they forget to turn into monsters during sex.
- Touched by an Angel was for sissies - now it's Touched by an Angel's Spinning Helicopter Blades, new on Fox Kids!
- an epic battle with demons isn't all swords and horses anymore! A holy phalanx of black helicopters firing hot rounds of eternal damnation even gives old Lucifer a moments pause.

So, if there really are a lot of 'copters around, you're either very important, about to be attacked by hordes of devils, or the angels are just having a little fun with your CHIPS affliction.

To keep the flame of your CHIPS going, the government actually uses leaves to spy on you. The bastards threaten to introduce a fungus on aging trees if they do not agree to turn over 34% of their leaves to spying. So, really, do all your illegal stuff during winter, while it's not snowing. (You wouldn't believe what they can do with snowflakes.) And never trust a tree over three-hundred!

Ask Boz




Home