THE ASKTATION

Dear Ask Boz,

I was recently reminded of former Oklahoma U./Seattle Seahawk football star linebacker Brian Bosworth -- who called himself "The Boz" -- also an outragous character with full colored mullet & rebel behavior during the 1980s. What was this about? Did you lease the naming rights for "Boz" to him -- if so, for how much? Or was this Boz one of the early beta-tested clones you spoke of from North Korea in last week's "Build Your Own Boz" enlightenment? I suspect that this seems a bit early for cloning, that this 80s football star "Boz" is actually the same Ultimate star "Boz" that we all know and worship. It seems to be logical: you quit taking those steriods to get into Ultimate shape and lose that extra beef which was slowing down your cuts. Why did you suck so badly with Seattle? Were you already weeding off the 'roids at that point to start your ferocious Ultimate career?

Chad Shepard

RESPONSORIAL

Dearest Chad,

We are so freaky-deaky tired of being confused for Charles Dickens, Boz Skaggs, and Brian Bosworth. Have you ever asked any of them a question and gotten a useless answer? NOOOOOO! But AB delivers the nonsense on demand. For the last time, we'd like to respond to some of these accusations.

1. Boz is not, and has never been, "an outragous character with full colored mullet & rebel behavior during the 1980s." To the best of our knowledge, the "Boz" you refer to was actually a dreaded "BozNaught" programmed to tarnish the Boz public image. Needless to say, it comes from the future. Well, not exactly - it comes from the future's future!
2. "What was this about?" See above.
3. "Did you lease the naming rights for "Boz" to him -- if so, for how much?" No. For nothing, because we didn't do it. Shhh, now, Chad. Go back to sleep, honey. Ask Boz is here now.
4. "Or was this Boz one of the early beta-tested clones you spoke of from North Korea in last week's "Build Your Own Boz" enlightenment?" Sweet Christian Mercy Chad, for the last time, no, OK? He was a frikkin' BozNaught from the double-future and leave it at that, right?!!!! You are such a douche someti....
   .....Oh, man,.... I'm sorry, Chad. It's just, you need to know when to back off sometimes, OK? Damn.
5. I can't even cut and paste the last part, it's too much. Who said I sucked in Seattle? I mean, think about it Chad, how could "Boz" and "Not Boz" be the same person? Did you even try to think your way out of any of this? What the hell does "weeding off the 'roids" mean, anyway? Are you sure you're OK?

Well, hope that clarifies things, Chad. A little fun fact: the first time Boz read your letter, this is what he saw: "The Boz, Boz, Boz, Boz Enlightenment, Boz, Ultimate star Boz worship," which I think gets the gist, as do you.

Your gentle teacher,

Ask Boz

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