What will my bowling score be this afternoon?

Today, you will bowl the first 600! "What?" you say. Then, for some reason, you affect a crappy French accent, saying "Zees ees impossiblay! Zer ees no way to make zees scor-a-voo!" Of course, you are basing this reasoning on the "fact" that the highest possible bowling score is 300.

Obviously, you haven't been listening to advertisements, the source of all knowledge. Remember, impossible is nothing. The reason you have bowled what will be called in the future the "pluperfect" score, is because you have mastered the "double-ball." This is a ball with such precise backspin that, as soon as you roll the strike, it reverses course, knocks the pins back upright, and then re-reverses course, knocking them all down again! Doing this once would be great, but you will manage to do it ten consecutive times!

Don't get too excited by this triumph. You are, of course, bowling with your best friend, Peter. Peter will be rolling ten triple balls today. Not only will he score a 900, but his method is so much more spectacular. By putting a combination of back AND side spin on his ball, it is able to strike, bounce up in the air, create a vortex that sucks up the pins, and then knocks them down again. Then the ball will come screaming at you, hit you in the head, careen off, and knock down ten pins again-again. We suggest you wear the helmet your mother made you wear when you were small.

And it didn't happen by accident; it happened because things like that always happen to you, don't they, loser? Remember, when you invented the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and you threw open your window above the town square to announce it to the world, but just then, that same bastard Peter threw open his window, and shouted about "peanut butter, jelly and fluff"? Why you keep hanging out with that Peter, we'll never know!

Ask Boz

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