Name:Katherine (Kit)

Location: ME

Question: comment on response to last time's "Eradicator/wannabe db bikers" "Bozbacks" continue to get better everyweek. This is the sexiest "Bozback" ever from the dyrads, to the work at home mom, to the extreme male bonding at unconn -um, awhile ago - this "Bozback" had me laugh, think and sigh tonight. now...about Askboz Personals-where can i find a dyrad or a strong apeman to sweep me off ny feet? I wasn't meant to be left in a cave. Well done again Boz and thank you! -- Kit from Kittery....

An Ask Boz epiphany: WE LIKE COMPLIMENTARY FLIRTY EMAILS FROM DEDICATED FANS. Especially from people who may have went to college with us. Or hot stuff types. And Brad. And we like to get pictures of grooming cats.

Your letter makes us imagine there are people who actually read and try to deconstruct our little course in advanced nonsense. And if our responses somehow evoke "tingly time" in the good parts, that's great! It nearly predisposes us to not make fun of you Kit, but sadly, we're Constitutionally bound to do so.

Good news! We're thinking adopting the term "Bozback," since it leads to easy humorous conjugations: "boz got back," Senator Bozback, "bozback that thing up," Irma Bozback and Bozback Mountain naturally come to mind. When the Under-Committee of Boz Branding meets this week it will be on the agenda, and we'll let you know if it makes it. Of course, there would be no profit for you, but we do offer a discount on our $150, four-page pamphlet "So you want to be a Super Ape?"

On to the making fun of: unconn could be UConn, where the so called author went to college, but we prefer to think it is really the name of a convention. Not just any convention, UnConn would be the largest ever meeting of things that don't exist. Yes, yes, Unicorns and the Undead will be there, but that's not all. This is the place for Lamarckian Evolution, a square earth, Middle Earth, the creation of the the earth 7000 years ago, Zeus, Apollo 18 and all subsequent Apollo non-missions, The Archangel Gabrielle, and the Starship Enterprise, to name only a portion of the infinite number of things that can only be imagined. Really, they need a big hall for all the booths. Managing the thing is a nightmare!

Of the wonderful triumverate "laugh, think, sigh" we love the choice of the word sigh, dear Kit, or as we like to call you, Jur, because those are the letters to the left of KIT on the keyboard. That's one way we show affection in our culture, so give some love back to your CapsLockAJVIShift.com.

Anyhoo, the sigh. We picture a gentle melancholy more hidden than shown by your small grin and slightly pursed brows. And we hear a longing not just for Ask Boz, but for the freedom of the Ask Boz Compound, where you can be held liberated by the 200-foot high nuclear razor wire fence, and soothed by the screams and calls of the apes and wild humans as they do their war and mating displays. We hear a need to be stripped of the pretentious garments of Homo-sapiens Sapiens and take that freeing, and naked, step forward to Simian-erectus Erectus.

Because of your sweet sigh, we forgive you for the "ny feet" - we wouldn't dream of criticizing a devoted fan for not editing her wonderful note carefully. That "ny" is like a pretty little discoloration on your cheek; it is such blemishes that reveal the great beauty that surrounds it. We kiss your "ny" and turn it into a "my," darling Kit. We use one finger to stroke your "dyrad" where the calf and the thigh meet behind the knee, and the tingling of flesh turns her into a dryad.

As to your desire for Boz and Ask Boz to bring you love, here is our advice. It's spring in Maine, Kit. Walk out into the sun. Stretch your arms out like paws and kneed at the sky with your claws. Shake your body like you have wet fur, shake off all the crusty build up of civilizing behavior that stiffens your joints and slows your tongue. Say something naughty to yourself. Then embark with open eyes, lithe steps and a huntress' intent, and find him. He might be a little hairy. He might be a touch overweight. You might want to kill him for wearing white socks with those shoes, and for tucking his shirt into cargo shorts and wearing a belt with a wicker-weave pattern. But that's just it: he's a ten-speed and a makeover from being a socially acceptable, really sweet companion. He's happy, but he's a little lonely. Save him and he'll save you.

Thanks for the love, kit. Good luck with settling on a second-tier man.

Last time: Whats up with all the hipster d-bag wannabe's riding fixed gear bikes?

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