First Name: Nigel ...... Location: Connecticut
Question: Can Jesus create a burrito so grande that he can’t lift it?

Aah, this old question. We were first asked this in 120 AD, when we were writing "Ask Ba'al-ze-Boz" for the Oppressed Christian Sun Times. Of course, Christianity was still tied closely to Judaism, so the question was "Can Jesus create a bread so unleavened that it collapses in on itself and forms a black hole, but he doesn't get sucked in, forever and ever, amen?" Although that questioner clearly had an advanced knowledge of science, our readers didn't. When our answer included facts about the Earth revolving around the sun, and the knowledge that we are just little specks on a little speck floating on a little spiral arm of a vast cosmos, the reaction was swift and brutal. We were burned at the stake, crucified, then had the demons cast out of us.

The problem with these types of questions is that Jesus doesn't really create. Now, he can change things - remember "water into wine?" (BTW, that was some gooooood wine. We were there. But what proof was that stuff? We were drunk for, like, two days!) So if you're at a party with Jesus, and they have those stupid flatbread sandwiches on that cursed "artisinal bread," but you want a burrito, then he'd make that flat sandwich into a thick, steamy, hot-meat tube, wrapped in good ol' American processed bread product.

Or, you can have him multiply things, like the miracle of the loaves and fishes. Your miracle might be known as "The Miracle of the Burritos and the Chimichangas." As far as lifting goes, he could make 100,000 pounds of burritos, which, never mind the weight, would just be awkward as hell to lift.

Bottom line answer: NO. Jesus was more of a "walk on water heal the sick" kind of messiah, not one of those muscle flexing prophets, going around creating unbelievably heavy Mexican food dishes and then lifting them for the glory of the One True God. Maybe you're thinking of the Buddha; he looks like he ate a few burritos he couldn't lift.

Ask Boz

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