For what and to whom does “Ask Boz” ask come Christmas time?

Shepard Chadney, Connecticut

As to what we ask for, it is for stupid people to never go away so we can always have a job answering their questions. And a shiny red firetruck.

When you are Ask Boz, you realize the ultimate futility in asking anyone else except Ask Boz. God? Don't even bring up God. And stop interrupting. Don't you think God has better things to do than answer questions like “Why is poo brown”? Stupid. Our scientists and shamans found two possibilities if Ask Boz asktated ourself. Either the universe would become pink and fluffy, or that such an act would short out all European electrical sockets. Due to these potential Y2K type catastrophes, Ask Boz agreed to not Ask Ask Boz. We humbly signed the Treaty of Knockwurst, which, among other things, stipulated that Ask Boz has to wear electrical collars to prevent the Asking of Ask Boz. Oh, yeah... also, in a bit of international treaty porkbarrel, it was declared that tax on sausage was deductible in all countries using the Euro, as well as at Ask Boz Central. Since then, we've eaten so much damn sausage! You know, it’s been worth the alarming increase in Ask Boz Cardio-Vascular Disease! It has been so great to truly and deeply explore the eerie and fascinating world of intestinal walls stuffed with meat by-products. Jokingly, we call the science of eating sausage “Yumology.” Here’s to the Yumologist in you, Chadney!

Ask Boz

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