Real questions. Unreal answers.

7/6/11

Dear Ask Boz,

Is the moon made of cheese?
Dan Z.

Dear Dan,

Just like all of creation, the moon is made of cheese. Partially!

Science tells us that everything is made by combining the 4 basic elements: earth, air, fire and water. This handy diagram illustrates the theory by showing how a rabbit is made.

But have you ever asked how the heck we get food out of those four things? What scientists don't tell us is that there is a fifth element: cheese.

Obviously, this is not the cheese you find in the store; that would be silly. This is the sacred cheese, the great fromage. Remember: you can't spell Gouda without God.

Really, try to make food without the element of cheese. Cook some dirt and try to eat it. Or mix some air into a cup of water and bring it to a steady boil. Serve it over rocks with a garnish of fire. Yummo!

Because you are simple minded, think of it as a video game. It's all combos. So, if you are playing God of Cheese, these are some of the combos of the five elements to make food:

  • cheese + water = processed nacho topping; aka proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
  • cheese + fire = amazing crusty burned pieces of cheese that taste sooo good.
  • cheese + earth = meat: cheese is the fat and earth makes gristle.
  • cheese + air = swiss cheese. And that smell around dumps.

    • And some triple combos:
  • cheese + earth + fire = lava, and lava cake.
  • cheese + fire + water = makes cheese. Fire and water cancel each other out, dummy.
  • Cheese + earth + earth + earth + earth + cheese = THE MOON!!!

Try your own combos today!

Boz


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