Why DID the chicken cross the road?

T.S., Connecticut

It is a good thing you wrote only your initials, so the Chicken-American Militia Front League (CHAMFL) cannot immediately track your identity. Still, it may be a good idea to hide for a while, and then find a new address.

You see, CHAMFL sees this question as part of the damaging wave of anti-chicken stereotypes. They claim that no Chicken-American has ever crossed a road. It is a well-known fact that chickens hate roads, ever since the Chicken Crimean Road Wars of 10,000 BC. (They're not too fond of Crimeans either, and they will peck one on sight.) They put this vicious rumor up there with the whole "chicken with its head cut off" thing (see Cock Peck's "Chickens! Die with Dignity") and the idea roosters only crow in the morning (see CHAMFL's pamphlet "I'll Crow When I Want!")

It would be wise of you to never utter this damaging question again. You’ll also want to log on to CHAMFL's website and buy a "Tastes Like Turkey" T-shirt, and wander around some barnyards so lots of chickens see you. Only then will you be able to safely rest your head on your feather pillow, and pull up your feather comforter, and sleep the sleep of someone no longer on CHAMFL's "peck list."

Last time: Why does the cue ball go to its special hole?

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