Name:desiree'

Location: ct

Question: count me in

Great! We are sooo totally stoked that you're on board. We really think that this is going to be a win-win for all parties involved. For us, there is the cachet of having someone with a hot name that ends in a punctuation mark. Admittedly, we were hoping for a little sexier punctuation mark. Maybe a nice ~ or, you know, a -. Not to put your ' down, by any means! It's lovely!

Well, now what we've gone over what we're looking forward to, let's review what you get out of our little alliance, desiree':

• Your portrait will be painted by our child artist - here's a sample.
• You will be supplied with an unlimited number of Super Ape young to do your bidding. As Super Apes breed like bunnies on crack, we have an absurd number of wild Super Ape children running around who need a hot-named punctuated person like yourself to teach them the finer points of servitude. Be cruel, be kind; it doesn't matter! They're animals! Raaarrrr!
• You will receive a free toe augmentation. This will help you fit in to your new environment.
• We will give you a basic education in taking voyeur pictures of men with their shirts off. This is the main source of income at the Ask Boz Compound. After you comlete our introductory classes, you can freelance and try your own style, or take the extension course at the local community college. Either way, enjoy the gentle yoke of our rulership.

That's right Desiree', you will be held against your will. Because our Main Headquarters is an Uncharted Waste Land, we can make up our own laws and do what we want. So upon entry into our compound, you legally become a captive. Therefore, you should choose from the following "Extended Stay" packages available only during the induction period.

Stay in a Bamboo Cage - Finally, a chance to endure the elements! Days of unbearable sun, sticky nights of haze, you'll go from rain drenched to nearly frozen in just minutes! Remember, the bamboo bars are there to protect you from the grabbing arms of the wild SuperApes and their Wild Human enemies. But only if you huddle in the very middle.

Or maybe you would prefer "Dungeons and Baggins," where you are sent to a musty, drippy cellar while small people wander about, talking in British accents, eating frequent meals, and crying a lot. Especially that Frodo. What a baby!

Then there's the feared "Never Land Ranch," where you are forced to sleep in the same bed as Michael Jackson. FOREVER! (Secretly, it's one of those Greenland/Iceland things. No one ever buys this package, but MJ is, like, the most amazing person ever. Completely misunderstood. Trust me: when you find out what a miracle the whole nose thing is, you'll be in awe. He's like the Botti-Swami Laohammad Jebuddha, you know? One word: Best Messiah Ever!)

Well, our Retrieval Associates are on their way to sling a net over you and beat you with sticks as they bring you to us. See ya soon!

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