Ask Boz
2/19/08
Name: tired of living here
Location: crappy city texas
Question: Will we be stuck here?
How many times must we see questions like this? People, given terrible names by their evil parents, who end up moving to towns and cities with names that clearly discourage residency, and then they ask Ask Boz why they did it. There was the time Crappy Lula asked "Can wearing clothespins on your nose cause permanent damage?" from Diaper Town, Indiana. Or "Can you loan us some sheep? We're fresh out and the preists are coming again," asked by Hairshirt Self-flagellator from Sacrificial Lamb, Connecticut. The most frightening was "Please, no, no, aaaaaaagh?" written in the town We'll Kill You If You Ask Boz, New Mexico by a Native American named Man Who Will Ask Boz Then Be Killed Standing Bear.
And, yes, you are stuck in crappy city texas. It appears that not only did you move to a terribly named city, you also voted for a terrifying new mayor. Any kind of background check would tell you that your new leader, the one you voted in last year, used to run the Hotel California. Yeah, the "Check out yes, ever leave, no" Hotel California. Weren't you at all curious why they encircled a town 3000 miles from Mexico with a border wall? Or why the "Sharpen Our Steely Knives and Stab and Kill the Beast" Fest was canceled last year? You just couldn't resist his campaign pledge to provide every home with mirrors on the ceiling and pink champagne on ice, could you, so now your stuck.
Our suggestion? Get completely sloshed on pink champagne and stay that way. This sugary liquor will ravage your teeth, body, and liver. It shouldn't be long before you can smile up at your precious ceiling mirror as the life fades from your body. If given a choice, try to choose Heaven over Hell. OK, Stupid?
