Who's your daddy?

You have asked this question at a crucial time in the development of Ask Boz. As a collective, Ask Boz has no need for the archaic idea of parents. An Ask Boz, the thinking went, shouldn't need "mommy" or "daddy" to help them through their lives. The support of a parent or sibling seemed unnecessary when compared with the combined support of tens of millions of like minded automatons. We are, however, allowed to keep our binkys.

However, our clinicians over at the Ask Boz Phsycholotic Cha-Cha Institute, having recently ended their very protracted and pointless research into the effects of LSD when taken with goat cheese, have come up with startling news: Ask Boz needs a daddy. You see, there are times, when all the worlds asleep, that questions run so deep, for such a sprawling collective. And in those times, if we could all just climb up into daddy's lap, and lay our heads between his soft manmaries, and nestle down, maybe we could just forget answering questions for a while. The results would be a more rested and centered Ask Boz, one that doesn't go on screaming knife-maniac rampages when they see the question "What would Ask Boz ask Ask Boz?" for the thousandth time.

So! Are you ready to be our daddy? If you think you'd like to, here's some of the basic criteria:

1. You'll need to be enormously fat. A collective is a large group, so we want a, like, person you need to take the roof of the house and remove by winch and pully. Don't worry, we'll pay the moving fee, and are quite ready to give you a gigantic feedbag.
2. You'll need to be a strict disciplinarian. Ask Boz can be very bad. Very bad! And we need to be punished! Please...
3. Our daddy need not be male. Really, when people get that big, all the normal gender identifiers are kinda lost in the folds, you know? So if you're a lady that wants to be our daddy, feel free to sign up.
4. Up for changing thousands of diapers? A really overwhelming number of Ask Bozzes have an infantilism fetish. Hard to explain...But, boy how they smile when they make a stinky!

That's pretty much it. Our daddy will sit around, watch TV, eat and belch, and yell at us when we don't make fun of hippies in our answers. Dirty smelly hippies. So send us a video detailing what only you can bring to being Ask Bozzes daddy. Oh, and there's a 7 thousand dollar processing fee. We'd like that all in ones, if you can. Thanks.

Ask Boz

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