Ask Boz

oldie

Dear Ask Boz,

Is all we really are just dust in the wind? Or, are we all just a drop of water in an endless sea?

Love, Dan C.

Dear Dan

Well, no, unless you've already paid to be on that high of a level. You see, few people know that the Kansas song you are referring to was a paid advertisement, an attempt to get you to upgrade to the level of "dust in the wind." Actually, we all start off as "scum on a pond." You have to pay for each upgrade to become a higher level metaphor. If we remember correctly, "dust in the wind" costs about $20,000. Don't even ask about a "drop of water in an endless sea." Even we don't have that much cash.

If you don't have a lot of money, the upgrade process is slow and not very fun. As you plod your way through being "filth on the road," "deer droppings in the woods," "grease on a forehead," and "sore on an udder," you may feel like giving up. Although we at Ask Boz always encourage people to give up as soon as possible, we can tell you that, after time, and lots of cash, you will begin to see a little hope.

Once you get to the "moss on the rock" level, you really start to notice a dramatic life improvement. Just a thousand dollars more can get you to become a "stick in a pile." Then there is a dramatic leap to "lice on a monkey." We stayed that way for quite a while, mostly because it would be hundreds of thousands more to finally get to the coveted "parasite on a shark" level.

We would stop there, really. We know that "lint on a cardigan" sounds tempting, but it just isn't worth it. Also, beware of offers that speak of quick upgrades. Sure, they do move you up several levels, but they are always selling levels people skip, like "dandruff in the hair," "boils on the backside," and "zits on a kid." Really, we encourage you to follow the other great advice from the same song: "don't hang on" and "drift away." It's not our fault if you insist on having hope!

BTW - The company changed its policy from "All your money won't another minute buy" to "60 cents for the first another minute buy, and 17 cents each additional minute buy."



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