Early History

Khipu:

Non-Ask Boz researchers believe that the rope writing practiced by the Inca peoples of South America was used largely to inventory goods or keep track of transactions. Our research indicates that this form of communication could be used much more broadly, and we believe we have found evidence of the first known question and answer for Ask Boz.

When asked the question “Will there be rains to come for our crops?” Ask Boz knotted the answer: “Great rains will come if Ask Boz is given an oil massage from the King, 12 virgins, and an albino peacock.” Negotiations ensued, and a humbler Ask Boz settled for three apples and a free pass out of the next “sacrifice lottery.” Showing a very forward thinking negotiation style, the King kept the virgins as an incentive, to be rewarded to Ask Boz only “if there is great rain.” Judging by the sudden plunge in the number of knots on the “virgin” counting rope, and subsequent increase in the number of knots on the “women soiled by Ask Boz– do not sacrifice” counting rope, it was a wet season. Weeeeettttt!!!!

Did you know Ask Boz was a dragon in an epic written in Sanskrit++? This is a really long heading!:

Indeed, Ask Boz is also mentioned in the writing of the earliest languages. Fragments of documents from several different sites indicate there may have been entire story cycles, perhaps even an epic, devoted to Ask Boz. Here are some words from one of the larger texts that has been restored, entitled "The Ask Bozcronomiton." Ellipses (…) denote unrestorable sections of the text, while brackets ( [educated guess words here] ) denote words we could take an educated guess on:

Parchment 4
… fires on the ship sent the crew … naked … upsetting the concubines’ dinner plans. Lamrek fell on his sword to prevent … rendering … [fifteen leagues] to where the bow struck the island, and the ship foundered and broke up. A roaring was heard from the sea and [turtlemen] rose up riding great serpents and giant water emus … flying eunuchs … They all fearfully gazed upon the Island of the Question. Having no choice but to land,[… was left of the crew marched up the hill] to the temple. Upon entering the Temple of the Question, the crew cried out to see the fell Dragon Askbozeroth. … Its great mouth opened, and

Parchment 5
its teeth were of rubies, and samite, and frankinmyrrh, and a great … made of … and hemp. …hissing smoke…[great] yawn and stretched its huge legs all the way out, and it raked its claws in and out like a cat, and it turned its glassy, baleful eyes on the [smelly] crew and roared, “What do you want to know of Askbozeroth?” …. drew straws… was elected as leader to present the dragon an Asktation, and Melyh did step forward two timid steps, sobbing like a …[soiled] himself and had forgotten to wear his loincloth again. The dragon reared at the smell, and ate two … despoiling one another… freak accident … … the sailor shouted “that doesn’t go there!” The god Melincross, protector of sailors and of clubfoots, appeared, and accused Askbozeroth of various and nefarious wrongdoings, to which Askbozeroth swore he didn’t even know where the pomegranate had come from, and even if he had, he would never have done that with it. Melyh, past fear, finally asktated the question on all the sailors’ minds: “What will you do with us?”

The rest of the parchments are nearly unreadable, but it does seem the answer was the opposite of what you would expect from the stereotypical dragon. Askbozeroth prepared a nice brunch, with cheeses, apples, and several mauled cows. Afterward, Askbozeroth laid out some porridge and potato salad for “eatsies” later, and took out some really gigantic playing cards, and did some card tricks.

After a few days of diverse entertainments, the dragon led them to a cave with a giant lake, where there was a magical boat that would take them all home. Happily, we can clearly read that, “the sailors made it back safely.” However, they found their wives in bed “with swarthy foreigners.” Instead of the all out fight one would expect from an epic, this one ends happily, with the sailors accepting the interlopers as their “new man-wives, so to live happily three together.” Brought a tear to some of the more sensitive Ask Bozzes, actually.

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