THE ASKTATION

First Name: Paul
Location: England
Question: if i eat myself will i lose weight or dissapear

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Research on this one was quite hard. Suprisingly few sane people are willing to eat themselves, so you tend not to trust those who agree to. This is a task that really sorta separates out the weirdos, if you know what we mean, and the desire to line them all up against a brick wall and execute them gangster style proves to be rather impossible to resist.

So, after all the executions, and stuff, there really wasn't a huge line at the Ask Boz Personal Cannabalism and Weirdo Die! Powerbar Research Complex. So, as any good totalitarian regime would do, we simply kidnapped some of the lesser liked Ask Bozzes, drugged them, and forced them to eat themselves. Here's what we found:

- It took subjects several days to get used to eating themselves. Even in a near drug coma, something inside seemed to say "Whoa! Don't do that!" It wasn't until a week had passed, and we threatened them with getting Tony Robbins in for insights into the power of self-digestion, that they really took to personal cannabilism.

- As far as weight loss goes, it takes a little while, but yes, significant weight loss is detected after the first few sessions of serious eating. Initially, the subjects were in a sort of stasis, since they were actually ingesting all the weight of the body part they ate. But, as soon as they pooped out, say, most of an arm, or a thigh, weight loss became very rapid, and there was little danger of regaining the weight, unlike with most other fad diets.

- A lot of eating means a lot of bleeding, and a lot of bleeding means a lot of death. Death, it turns out, is a really effective means of weight loss. Once the maggots and rats get to work, subjects often lost a remarkable 15 to 20 pounds an hour! Even more if coyotes or a pride of lions wanders by. Top that, Atkins!

- Dissapearance never occurs in the strictest sense of the word. Eventually, the subjects become a small collections of bones, bits of meat, and hair. If being swept up into a tray and thrown in the garbage counts as vanishing, then, the answer to your question is yes and yes!

Good luck on eating yourself. We found most people take to it a little better if when they sprinkled a little hot sauce on themselves. We are actually marketing a whole line of cannibal sauces, if you can wait a few more weeks.

Ask Boz

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