I recently started a romantic relationship with an English psychologist. Should I be concerned about him being English, a psychologist, both, or neither? - Winona - 4/10/07

It seems the term "English psychologist" is somewhat of an oxymoron, much like "Pea Soup" or "dental dam." For an American such as yourself, Winona, you expect a certain something from seeing a psychologist. Mainly, if you're a patient patient, after you have been going for a while, you expect to get happier and happier. Or, if you are a true American, you will simply take prescribed trippy pills and grin through your blurry existence. Just the normal stateside search for a carefree life, where "problems" are just nuisances, their banishment one tablet away.

However, the English lower the bar considerably when entering analysis. You see, they enter as hopelessly lost souls, sinking ever more into a weariness that weighs down their spirit. They are not seeking happiness; they simply want slightly less pain and loss. The English nearly smile when presented with the possibility of living a life of "quiet desperation." This unassuming melancholy gently embraces them their whole life, allowing them to deal with the meaningless drudgery of their country and their years. Your psychologist friend will spend his life slowly, seriously pulling his patients back from the brink of complete hopelessness, and drag them into a world that is drab, but that they are largely numb to.

Although, some here think that their whole hopeless thing is just an act, and that they are lazy sluggards who like to kick around town, doing nothing, then down some ale, and laugh at those rushing around. So, if that's true, we raise a pint and say, "Sounds sweet. Nice work, English!"

That's about it. Watch out for fake English words like "flat" for apartment, "bloody" for a swear, or "ubiquitous" for shows up everywhere. They love to slip 'em in. And, listen, go for it. This relationship, we mean. He's a really good dancer, has fine, firm buttocks, is considerate between the sheets, if not earthshaking, and he keeps his weeping private. So, seek the ring, and good luck.

Ask Boz

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