Who will be our first female president?

Welcome back from sleeping under a rock! As was revealed in such major newspapers as CCCP Today and The Weekly World News, there have been female presidents since the beginning of presidentialism. That's right, George Washington (shown here in a black taffeta dress) was not just a wig wearing poofter, but a very mannish girl! This is why "he" and "his" "sister" Georgette were never seen in the same "room" together. And for all those who admire her for refusing to become king, well, that is because she had a tantrum when she found out she couldn't be queen!

George may have been the first woman president, but she was not the last. In fact, it was Abraham Lincoln's frustration at hiding her true gender that accidentally led to the greatest moment of her presidency. When her advisors said something major needed to be done to turn the tide of the Civil War, something that would have a spectacular impact, Lincoln mumbled "I should go to Gettysburg in a dress." And she did just that, but everyone mistook her for the bearded lady in the circus, and threw tomatoes at her. Ha, ha! What a maroon!

FDR took the route of JK Rowling and SE Hinton, disguising her gender with initials. To this day, no one knows what those initials stood for, but the World Coalition of History Department Janitors credibly posit that it means "Female Drag Righteousness." And that also frees Eleanor from being labeled an ugly woman; henceforth, "she" will be seen as a dashingly handsome man.

It's unwise and dangerous to write about living or sitting presidents and this topic. They are hiding their gender for a reason, and look none to kindly on people outing them. So, in closing, a picture of "Mr." President.

Ask Boz

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