Dear Ask Boz
In light of the incompetence of our own government, is Ask Boz headquarters working towards a solution for our struggling economy? What about alternative sources of energy?
Cuoco

Ask Boz agrees that the government is incompetent. It seems every time that an economy really starts to get into a good solid struggle, the government steps in to "help out." What's the point in running up ridiculously high credit card bills and "buying" houses we can't really pay for if the government is going to bail us out each and every time? This is why we hope you will vote for our presidential candidate, "The Imaginary Tree." Electing the first Tree-American as president would be more groundbreaking than voting for Obama, and, as The Imaginary Tree is ten-thousand years old, it can safely accuse McCain of being inexperienced. T.I.T would also be the second Imaginary-American elected president, after Ronald Reagan. Being imaginary, President Tree would do nothing to stop the out-of-control spending that is the only true reflection of the American Dream.

If elected, The Imaginary Tree would continue to promote the Ask Boz plan to encourage Global Hotting. Global Hotting will lead more people to live "off the grid." That's when we come in. You see, we're buying all the grids people get off of - in fact, we've bought so many, we have grids coming out our collective wazzoos. Which, in case you were curious, is very uncomfortable. We're developing technology to improve protection of our wazzoos from invasive grids, and would appreciate advice from anyone who has done research in the field. We tried to lock them up, but the damn things are all full of energy and technology and hard to control.

Anyhoo, the poor suckers who think they're helping to stop Global Hotting by getting off the grid have it all wrong. While they're drinking mango tea and pooping in streams, we're running their old grids at maximum power. Soon these neo-hippies will be reprocessing their sweat for drinking water in the huge tropical jungle that Earth will become. All the while, we Super-Apes will be blasting our AC's, drinking reprocessed human sweat mojitos, and watching our favorite movie, Battlefield Earth, over and over and over again, on five separate 42 inch screens simultaneously.

Last time: Is "Ape Man" by the Kinks your theme song?

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