Ask Boz
7/17/08
First Name: Heather Rigatti Question: Connecticut
Question: Are you a green bear?
Well, yes and no. Boz, the Green Bear Next Door represent a heretical offshoot of Ask Boz. These radicals do not believe we are actually Super-Apes, but Super-Bears. Plus, they have joined the Christian cult, and seem to believe a very skinny guy who doesn't wear a lot of clothes, is in to spiky headwear and likes to hang around, is going to return from the dead sometime between now and whenever. This "Messiah" will save all believers and Super-Bears, but the rest of us will be doomed to "Hell," which seems to be some sort of really hot amusement park. So, really, it's a win-win.
In doing so, they rejected the Super-Ape Messiah, which is a very small brown rock. Ours is an inconvenient belief if you actually want a Messiah, but it's great if you think the whole end-times thing would be a great big hassle.
We did attempt to prevent the spread of this heresy through the usual means, which is, of course, nuclear assault. This explains the heretic's green coloration, but does not explain their "livingness" and lack of being blown into atomic dust. We are looking in to some reports that we don't actually possess nuclear weapons, and were in fact launching cans of old lead based paint at the unbelievers. Either way, we'll get them eventually. Anyway, lead poisoning is more passive-aggressive, which we are totally for.
We also stripped them of their "Ask." And their ass. Meaning, they can no longer use the communal blue baboon butt for their mating rituals. Word is that they do something with honey-bee nests, which just sounds really painful. So we're jealous.
Last time: Is my co-worker a hippy?
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