How does gum work?

E. M., Connecticut

Ancient and revered texts tell us that gum is imbued with the gum spirit. Gum was sent here by the gods to teach us a lesson about ourselves. We may feel like we have a strong outer shell, but when bitten and chewed for a half an hour, we would also become gummy, and we would lose our flavor and be spit out. Thanks to this lesson, mankind almost never gets chewed. Especially because all shark attacks are hoaxes.

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