Real questions. Unreal answers.

10/30/09

Dear Ask Boz,

What costume should I pick for Halloween?
Vinny

Dear Vinny,

A rainbow. In these days of political and social extremes, you need a costume that is as adaptable as the rainbow itself. The rainbow means many things to many people.

Say you come to the house of a Christian or a Jew. Tell them you are representing God's promise not to drown nearly all living beings ever again in a great flood. Or consume us with fire. Or strike us down with plague. Or have us all eaten by a plague of fire ants. Which is really pretty nice of Him, since we are all being very, very bad and sinful.

Sinful like the people in the next house. It is a home of gay, lesbian, or transgender people, or nonpeople. The rainbow works here, too! These perverts, or non-perverts, use the rainbow to represent themselves. No wonder they all dress flamboyantly!

However, as you collect your candy from these people, take a moment to pity them. Think about it: a transgender person, or nonperson, can't crossdress to make a costume. You know what I mean? If you are one gender but should be another, you are either "crossdressing" as what you are or you are "crossdressing" as what you are. See the problem?

But what if the person answering the door is not from the Judeo-Christian heritage or gay, or even a gender confused Jew for Jesus? Your costume still works! Jesse Jacksons's Rainbow Coalition includes those people and more. This group includes white people, black people, brown people, tan people, as well as people of colors not invented yet: fuscia people, teal people, plaid people and even arch shaped people.

So you see, Vinny, the rainbow is the only costume that will get respect and love at any home in the world. Happy Halloween!

Boz


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