Ask Boz
2/11/08
Name: shaker
Location: your blog
Question: why am i still hooked?
We're so happy you noticed all the hard work we have done developing our mind control technology. And, since you are already hooked, we have no problem telling you all about it. Because you're trapped, under our control, and we will tell you our secrets if we want to. You must not tell anyone else, Shaker. This is just for you!
When you log on to Askboz.com, we take over the atomic structure of your computer monitor. We re-arrange the proton, nuetrons, electrons and tampons of your screen, creating a microscopic mist each time you visit.
Initially, this mist befuddles your mind and makes you think you are at an extremely well-designed and quite hilarious humor advice site. In reality, you are staring at an endless video loop of the opening credits of Baywatch. Each time you return to read another "great post," the mist is released again and you fall a little bit more under our control.
Unluckily for those who long for us to rule their minds, it only works on certain groups. Sadly for us, those groups are nerds, jerks, the unfortunate, file clerks and the Amish. We only know about the Amish from that time we kidnapped some and forced them to look at Ask Boz and to listen to 8-tracks and use microwave ovens. And we're sorry about that, and we served our time for it, so we wish you wouldn't bring it up again.
But we have you, Shaker, and oh what we will do to you!!! All we can say is, prepare for a life-changing series of events. We really mean prepare, too. Pack for all kinds of weather and combat situations, bring a lot of dehydrated foods, and make sure you have plenty of flares. Tune up your hover-craft and bring all of its chrome to a high sheen. You might want to brush up on your Chinese, too. Both dialects. You're up on all your immunizations, right? Good! See ya in Tai-Pei.
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