Why are ipods called ipods?

JK, Connecticut

Much like the “A” in Hawthorne’s crappy The Scarlet Letter, the developers of the ipod were too lazy to figure out what the “i” means. One person may think it means “intelligent,” others prefer to read it as “interactive.” We like obvious names, like “ichthyosaurs,” “itchy,” and “icki icki icki pTang!"

The pod part is simpler. As it is clearly absurd to think thousands of songs could be digitized and put into a little tiny chip, we opened up a sample ipod and had a look. As we suspected, teeny-tiny little nano-clones of whatever artists you download live inside. We were on a white fetish at the time, so we found little versions of Whitesnake, Great White, White Lion, White Zombie, the Average White Band, the White Stripes, and Whitey White and the White Whites. They refused to talk at first, but after we mini-sacrificed mini-David Coverdale, we learned that it was really a bleak hell in there – it’s hot, they live exclusively on Lima Bean Espresso Water, and, if they are not playing a song, they are forced to stay awake by rubbing dandelions under each others chins to see who likes butter.

An interesting side note: Apple has seen that the retro craze will soon call for oversized music players. Wait for the announcement of the “Oldskool Urban iboombox.” Don’t get too anxious for yours. They’ll probably release it in Japan first.

Ask Boz

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