Real questions. Unreal answers.

8/5/11

Dear Ask Boz,

In the ol' Laff-A-Lympics cartoon, which team did you pull for? I'm thinking it's the Yogi Yahooey's because of your strange family resemblence to Grape Ape.
Brad

Dear Brad,

Actually, I hated the Yahooeys, and it was all Grape Ape's fault! As a fictional ape myself, I was invited to all the ape parties. He was always so mean - and to his own kind! He said Strawberry Ape was "kinda tart," told Boysenberry Ape "those aren't even real berries" and he kept pointing at Raisin Apes chest and saying "You have a wrinkle on your skin" then hitting him on the nose when he looked down. But I lost it the time he said the Cranraspberry Ape family were "a buncha Dirty Hybrids."

So I went after him. Hong Kong Phooey stepped in to break it up. He's my boy, and he knew I wasn't going to win. Listen, I can hold my own, but that kiss-ape Boo-Boo Bear kept powering up Grape Ape with bunches of grapes, so Phooey knew I was in trouble. You know, even Grape Ape won't mess with Hong Kong Phooey. He's the number one super guy!

So, since my bro Phooey was one of the Scooby Doobies, they were my team. And, of course, the bangin' after-parties didn't hurt my allegiance. I mean, you see the second part of their team name, right?

Of course, it was just that sort of behavior that led to the downfall of the Doobies and the whole show. The Seriously Sinisters got tired of losing every time Scooby Doo would take a Scooby Snack. They sicked their damn detective Mumbly on the case. He stole some of the snacks and had them sent to a lab.

Turns out they were made of Croutons and SGH (Scooby Growth Hormone), a substance banned by the International Laff-A-Lympics Committee. The Scooby Doobies were banned from all future competitions; although, not surprisingly, they were immediately embraced by the Ultimate Frisbee community.

Scooby was briefly incarcerated, but he busted loose. It's rumored that a sympathetic guard smuggled in some Super Scooby Snacks and he just exploded through the wall. He and Shaggy fled in the Mystery Machine. They followed the Dead for several years while "things cooled down," trading tie-dyed Scooby Snacks for food and patchouli soaked beads.

Boz


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