Real questions. Unreal answers.

2/5/11

Dear Ask Boz,

How to catch a Leprechaun?
Melien

Dear Melien,

The Irish have extensive and ancient laws regulating the hunting and trapping of Leprechauns and other Faerie creatures. I asked my friend Seamus O'Hallahano'Reilly Murphy Smith, who works at the Department of Fish, Wildlife and Wee People, to detail the most important regulations pertaining to your question. Here is a summary of what he sent me:

  • - Irish citizens who have been issued a Faerie hunting license are allowed up to three hunting and five trapping tags a year. Although it is legal to hunt and kill Leprechauns, it is generally considered foolish, because you cannot collect on your three wishes, and their meat is considered "gamy."
    - Non-citizens can apply for a temporary Faerie hunting license, and are allowed one hunting and two trapping tags.
  • The types of traps and bait used to capture Leprechauns is strictly regulated. The classic "Hat Trap" is the only approved trapping mechanism. It can be baited with a fake pot of gold, poteen, which is a type of Irish moonshine, or hot pictures of scantily clad Leprechaun women.

Once caught, by law the Leprechaun must give up their Pot O' Gold and grant you three wishes. Below are some of the laws that pertain to those benefits:

  • There is a 30% tax on the Pot O' Gold.
  • There are limitations on what you can do with your wishes. For instance, you are not allowed to wish for more wishes. You are not allowed to wish to be Pope. You can wish to be "King of Everything" but be prepared: it's a lot of responsibility.
  • You CANNOT release your Leprechaun back into the wild after you have taken his gold and drained him of his wishes. Instances of severe depression are very common in these circumstances, and have led to very sad endings for many of these wee creatures.
  • Irish law states you must drop him into one of the many bright green Drained Leprechaun Receptacles that are located in all city and town centers. Pick-up is every Friday at 4PM. A portion of the Pot O' Gold tax is used to fund this program.

That's basically it for the laws. Thanks Seamus!

If catching a wild Leprechaun seems to be a bit much, there is another alternative. Farm raised Leprechauns are easy to catch, and the laws are much less strict. However, they only have one wish, and at the end of the rainbow you will only find a Pot O' Pennies. Most Leprechaun farms provide you with paper coin rolls to roll up your pennies. I've heard you can get up to 37 dollars!

Boz


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