Ask Boz

1/8/09

Hey Boz
What is the colour of the limo in Dave's yard that suffered when a tree fell on it?
Neal


Dear Neal,

In the spirit of full disclosure and complete transparency, (No, not that my clothes are designed by Zip-Lock, and are completely see through and freezer safe) we have to admit something: this is an inside joke. I was with Neal in Cape Cod over the New Years weekend. One of our activities was taking a limo drive with my man Dave, our favorite limo driver. Because we had to pee, Dave took us to his house. This question comes from that visit.

As you may know, Neal, you're British, which we tried not to hold against you during your visit to our great nation. Especially since you took so much trouble to learn our language. I was amazed you and your wife Linda spoke American so fluently! Of course, you spelled "color" wrong in your question ... can't win 'em all! Hey, don't get me wrong - I admire you. Heck, who am I to talk - I don't even know what language you speak in Britishland!

Perhaps it's our completely different cultural backgrounds that makes this question so hard for me to answer. You see, Neal, because we have lost all of our prejudices, we Americans don't see color when we look at cars.

Here in the Greatest Country Ever, we try to look past the surface and get to the soul. We like to see what cars have in common, not how they are different. You have to understand that when you call a car "green" or "aqua-metallic" or "puce" you begin to separate them from each other for the most shallow of reasons.

Neal, let me ask you some questions. Does a red car need fewer oil changes than a white one does? If an 18 wheeler kicks a rock into the windshield of a yellow car or an orange one, will one need its windshield replaced and the other not? I guess maybe it's time for you Neal, and Linda, and maybe the whole of Britishland to look at cars in a new way.

Listen, Neal, I hope we're friends and you can handle a little tough talk. I'm not trying to bring you along too far, too quick. It takes time to get over our prejudices, doesn't it?

But let me just ask you one more question - if it was a white limo, or a black limo, or a Zip-Lock transparent and freezer safe limo, would it change the red of the upholestery, the power of the engine, the joy had inside by all who ride? A car wants to be able to transport people without having to worry about being judged.

Take heart: there is certainly hope for you and your backwards people. Look at your question - you said the limo "suffered." If you understand a limo has feelings, maybe then you can understand that it might want to been seen as a little more than a paint job with wheels. I'm just saying think about it, buddy. OK?

OK, Neal, I gotta go. Gonna ziplock myself into my tuxedo and go to a Red Hat fund raiser.

Cheers,
Boz

Last time: What are your New Years resolutions?

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