Real questions. Unreal answers.

3/20/11

Dear Ask Boz,

- will I win the lottery?
sparkles

Dear sparkles,

Judging from the offers I receive daily, there are hundreds of international lotteries giving away millions. At last count, I'm in line for over 3 hundred-million dolllars. Usually, all you have to do is give over a little information, and sometimes a little cash for processing. I really can't wait to get the money, because in a totally unrelated occurence, all of a sudden identity theft has become a big problem for me.

Oddly, much of these incredible deals are sent to the spam folder by email programs. So maybe you're already a winner. Just give me a sec, here, while I hack into your email account ... sparklelolz42@aol.com. Really, AOL? Still? So, what's it like back there in the 1990's? Say hi to Kurt Cobain for me. And hey, you should try out Starbucks .. really good coffee.

OK, I'm in your account. Let's take a look at your spam folder. Ahh - looks like you've got mail! See, you have already won the lottery! Here's the email confirming it:

Dear Mistress or Ma'am -

Congratulatory salutations from I - Vladimir Von-Santa Maria Bin Sultan. I run the Democratic Lottery of Eastern Moscow. We congratulate you for the undeserved favor lavishly bestow upon you by random chance of luck. It is without doubt.

Please prepare in every way for the admittance of Us$11.6 million to come directly to you now. In other to achieve this, I shall require your full datas. Would you care to sends me the following: bank's account number, passwords to your personal life, and your mother's address and social security numbers? These are just to confirm you are, and to imply your acceptance from you, after which I shall furnish you with the full details of this transaction. Reply via this email only vladvonvin001@simojimo.com

Thanks,
Best Regard,
Doug

Wow! Congrats, Sparkles. Maybe with all that money you can upgrade your email to a Prodigy account.

I'm sure this is legit, but just in case it's a scam, you should sign up for my special Ask Boz Lottery Scam Insurance. For a mere $2,500, you are nearly partially guaranteed against fraud. It's a great deal! (Please note that any settlement will be paid in Boz Bucks, redeemable at any Ask Boz Compound, retail store, space station, gulag, or "Taco Fiesta" Kiosk.)

Boz


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