Real questions. Unreal answers.

9/21/10

Dear Ask Boz,

Can I ask you what you think about making love?
Daniel

Dear Daniel,

Honestly, I've never really understood this term. To me, love is a feeling in your head, heart, and stomach. Although it may make your blood rush, it doesn't make your blood rush to make a soft part of the body hard. You know what I mean? Like, if loving someone made your heart grow three times larger and get really rigid and stiff, that would be bad, right? I'm not a doctor outside of Mexico, but I'm pretty sure it would stop beating. Even though it would be sooooo hard.

Not to be sexist. If love made things moist and lubricated, then people would be awfully slippery. We'd be hugging and trying to kiss and "zooop!!" - two people off to the floor. Everyone in love would be all kind of glisteny and slippery and gross.

And since when did love have anything to do with a bunch of monkey noises? "Oooh oooh O O ahhh ahhh!!!" Not any love I've heard of. Except that time I was in love with a monkey. Write me, Bobo!

No, Dan, you're not talking about making love, you're talking about making sticky white goo. Though it's easy to see how you could make the mistake, since you are a creepy, friendless loser.

Boz


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