Real questions. Unreal answers.

8/20/09

Dear Ask Boz,

What is your real name?
John, M+M

Dear John,

This is a bit of a tough one. I started by searching the web, but the best I could come up with was this site. Although the site is pretty sketchy, the information seems accurate. I did enjoy my time as "Mrs. Zippy Pants." Oh, and the reason you haven't heard of my rap persona, "Lil' Big Fat" is because I rapped in the '50s. Waaaaaay ahead of my time.

If you're boring, and want my legal name, it is indeed Mark Jefferson Bozeman. My work colleagues call me Mark, while my family calls me Jeff. Everyone else calls me "Boz," which rhymes with "claws" even though it should be "Boze," which rhymes with "nose." My friends do this because my friends are really, really dumb.

I seem to be one of those people that attract nicknames. One of my favorites was "Fatback." It really was just the coolest nickname, and it gives me great happiness that some people in the world know me only as Fatback. There are a few nicknames that I would like to have: Snuckles (a combination of "snuggles" and "knuckles"), Coolistopholes, and Irving "Average" Johnson. Anyone who wishes to call me any of these should feel free.

There is one name I know is coming. According to my astrologer, my final and eternal name will be "Mungo, Lord of the Multiverse." Now, the Mungo part is totally sweet. It's just that, well, I don't know if I want to be "Lord of the Multiverse." Sounds like a lot of work. I'm hoping it's a ceremonial title, and that it's the Prime Minister of the Multiverse does all the real chores. That way, I can just go around to all the ceremonies and ribbon cuttings, and have some drinks, and probably get some from really far out alien babes.


Boz


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