Dear Ask Boz,

Is it possible to eschew a nickname? Or are nicknames akin to opening Pandora's box?
Rico

Dear Rico,

First, thanks for being drunk when you wrote this. Sober Rico would not have composed such a work of enduring genius, nor would he have sent it. Rico, I have realized, as will you, that your drunkeness is one of your superpowers. May you never relinquish this God-given genius.

Your question is drunk-genius in so many ways. First, it makes nooooooo sense at all. But what makes it tipsy-wonderful is that there are two questions, and neither have any discernable meaning. And then the two questions, despite being about nicknames, have no relation to each other! I don't know if you even understand your own power. You sir, are Drunk Einstein!

So, what's the answer to your first question, Keg Cup? Let's see. Well, eschew means "to avoid habitually." So to eschew a nickname would mean you could dodge it somehow. OK, Velocidrinker, put your sherry down and tell me, how do you propose to do that? How can you make avoiding nicknames a habit? I mean, there would have to be a bevy of people in your life constantly shouting nicknames at you for it to become habitual. And how would you learn to avoid them?

Hey, wait, maybe you have something here. Yeah, some sort of Nickname Dodging Bootcamp. If one were to go through advanced nickname avoidance training, and become truly adept at it, then maybe a nickname could be eschewed. By the end, the well trained eschewer would be ready and nimble enough to deal with a total stanger shouting, "Yo, Big Cat!" by breaking into a Matrix spin, blur and dodge move that would make Trinity say, "You eschew like one of them." So, yes, it is possible Rico. And great question, man.

So, onto your second question. I'm happy to see you continue to show off your large, buzzed vocabulary. I mean, you had me at "eschew," but then you hit me with "akin." I was all "Wow." Call me.

Buuuttt then your superpower kicks in, and you manage to drunk-up Greek myths. Listen, Dandruff, how exactly would a nickname remotely resemble something like Pandora's Box? See, Pandora's Box contained all the evil in the world. How can one or two words sum up the entirety of evil?

You know, first you ask me to help you dodge nicknames, now you want me to craft you one so powerful that it would unleash evil on the world, again. I'm starting to wonder if you are a drunk genius or a truly diabolical one.

I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to get it out of me. And I know it, too: I know a nickname so dastardly, so wrong, so Darth Satan that merely saying it would doom the world. But I'm not going to do your evil, hammered bidding, Drunkpocalypse. You can't trick me!

But I will sell it to you for a coupla grand. So call me, 'k?

Boz

Last time: What do you think about reincarnation?

Follow askboz!

Ask a question! Click here.

Archive of the latest responses.

Never miss an Ask Boz! Sign up for the feed and be notified every time I update. Click here: Subscribe It's easy and free, like Boz.

Share on Facebook

NOW! Vote for us at Humor Links

We are listed in the Comedy Zone

 

 
NAME

HOW YOU AT?
 
QUESTION
 
 
        
                 or