Dear Ask Boz,

what's with Northfaces and Ugg boots?
Kyle

Dear Kyle,

Kyle, the simple answer is: cloning. There is a shady, multi-national group that exists only to promote cloning. This powerful organization is made up of rogue scientists, normal scientists, nerdy scientists, North Koreans, and fans of Jurassic Park. Oh, and some of those really, really greedy people that, like, will do just about anything for more money and power. No, Kyle, that's not another term for Republicans. Be nice.

What does cloning have to do with Ugg boots and Northfaces? Think about it, dummy! They are getting us used to everyone looking the same, so when they start replacing us with clones we won't even notice.

How else can you explain that boys only have three possible hairstyles? Or that women will pay $800 for a handbag with a bunch of C's on it? Or why everyone is shaving their body hair? Clones aren't hairy, are they, Kyle? Try thinking with your brain for once, you jerk!

The powerful cloning lobby has already begun their 212 step plan to turn 80% of the world into clones. The clone lobby has a real advantage - which, unsuprisingly, is that they have clones. If they need to persuade a female legislator, or a gay male legislator, they unleash one of the hundreds of Chad clones. If they need to convince straight males, lesbians, or New Age freakos, they unleash one of the many Tarun clones.

Not only is Tarun hot, but, as you can see, she has a fully developed crystal third eye, which really comes in handy with people named Tambourine that like to spin around a lot and try to sell you their crappy pottery and hand woven "jewelry." OK, that doesn't happen often, but it's nice to have a crystal third eye handy just in case.

The lobbyist clones have already had their first success. Did you know that in the new health care plan, those vile liberals snuck in funding to create a Department of Cloning? The Secratary of Clones will be led by a special hybrid clone - Billary Clinton.

It is estimated that merely seeing Billary will instantly strike 72% of Conservatives dead, leaving a lot more room for clones. This also probably means the bankruptcy of the Home Town Buffet chain, and the removal of the "Big" from most "Big and Tall" stores.

It is estimated that merely seeing Billary will instantly strike 72% of Conservatives dead, leaving a lot more room for clones. This also probably means the bankruptcy of the Home Town Buffet chain, and the removal of the "Big" from most "Big and Tall" stores.

The other reason for Uggs and Northfaces is that clones get cold really easily. Scientists can't figure out why. I think it's the hairless thing. I mean, I'm warm all the time!

Boz

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