Dear Ask Boz,

The answer to this is all about timing. Note that I did not start putting undies on my head until 2003, the same year that "The Old Man in the Mountain" escaped from his cliff-side prison.

You see, the Old Man and I were great friends during the Cretaceous period. We ran a lucrative Dinosaur fighting ring for all the gods and demi-gods around at the time. We made a lot of money as our Tyrannosaurs and Titanosaurs fought it out for their divine gambling pleasure. It was all good fun until "God" came along and started all this "there can be no other god besides me" crap.

I guess it's my fault that things went sour between us. God had ordered us to close down our gambling ring. I was pretty pissed off and got a little loaded. There was this Stegosaurus named Amanda that the Old Man was dating, and we started doing shots, and you know how female dinosaurs get when they're drinking. He caught us doing something I don't think I can actually put into words. He never forgave the betrayal of his dinolover and his best friend.

In the centuries that followed, the Old Man pursued me. Knowing he would not rest until he caught me and made me pay for my stego-sins, I had to find a way to stop him. So I used my magic powers and my innate sense of geological timing to encase him in the White Mountains as they formed.

And so it stood for thousands of years. But his recent escape, and subsequent team up with some Easter Island gangsters has revived our old enmity. Unwilling to run, and less powerful in this age of geological stability, I have taken to disguising myself with underwear.

Rock based life-forms are uniquely susceptible to the old "underwear-on-the-head" trick: it not only hides the features, it transforms them. Unfortunately for me, my disguise brought unexpected consequences. Although he doesn't know it's me, he has taken an interest because my tidy-whitey hiding makes me look like a really hot statue. Statues are a big turn on for natural rock formations. Centuries of imprisonment have made him pretty horny, so he is almost constantly in his "granite state." Thankfully, he's a tender lover, and I feel that one day I may be able to let him know it's me, and we will see if our relationship has another chapter to it.

Boz

Hey! Let's face it, Ask Boz updates once a week at best. Instead of having to check back, get the update sent to you. Click here and add Ask Boz to your feeds.

Subscribe It's easy and free, like Boz.
Important note: This is a new feed service. The old one broke.

Last time: Will Archie really marry Veronica?

Archive of the latest responses:

Share on Facebook

NOW! Vote for us at Humor Links

We are listed in the Comedy Zone