Ask Boz
6/29/08
First Name: B-Rad Question: Malibu
Question: Is Ask Boz down wit OPP (yeah you know me)?
There are a lot of OPPs out there, so here is just a sampling of how we feel about some of them:
We are down with Old People's Pectorals. This, of course, is because we are raising an army of the elderly to conquer the world! We've already got Florida, Arizona, and Left Blankenstan. Trust us: Right Blankenstan doesn't know what's coming!
We only wish we could be down with Oregeno Paprika and Parsley - The original Simon and Garfunkel lyrics for "Scarborough Fair." We think that "Are you going to Scarborough Fair/ Oregeno, Paprika and Parsley/ We will practice our Vulcan Death Stare/ Then go to Iran and learn Farsi" would have united Star Trek fans and Muslims, thus introducing the Prime Directive into Middle Eastern culture, so they could learn to be like Americans and let other cultures develop as they will without social, political or military interference.
We are NOT down with Overused Plot Points. In fact, we have rounded up nearly one-hundred marsupials and we will execute one for every tired plot we encounter. Listen up, Hollywood: getting an aimless male character's life on track when he wins a battle of the bands to save his grandma's farm from an evil developer means a pig-footed bandicoot gets it. And don't worry when you write your boy-meets-loses-gets-girl-back plot. It's just that poor Hugh Grant will have Kaola blood on his hands. So by the time you produce that rescue the princess retread, Fox, we'll be so used to executing Kangaroos gangster style that we'll barely feel the haunting remorse, and we'll nearly be deaf to the echoes of the terrible crying of the wombats.
To be honest, we're not sure whether we're or not we're down with the Opposable Penis Party. Their belief that "the next step in masculine evolution is the opposable penis" interests us, but there's scanty evidence of how this will be beneficial. Sure, an opposable penis would be able to grip things, but how is that an advantage? Someone offered the idea that it would be perfect for when you're doing work around the house and need to free up a hand, but, you know, we're still firmly of the belief that hammers and penises don't mix.
And finally, we are totally inspired by Obama's Pretty Pony. Many people think that his strategy to corner the Little Girl vote by giving every American girl a "My Pretty Pony" is politically short-sighted, but Obama is in for the long haul: a girl might be eight today, and only twelve for Obama's second term, but when she turns eighteen she will gladly vote for Obama's Super-Clone. And term limits don't apply to no clones, Bozatches!
Last time: What is Charlie Brown's sister named?
Archive of the latest responses!
NOW! Vote for us at Humor Links