How many orange whips can Boz drink before he'll give out national secrets?
"Caribbean" Fisher

Well, Fisher, Boz can drink all the orange whips, blue lashes, or green cat-o-nine-tails he wants; his ass has done been fired. What did he do, you might ask? Nothing! And that was the problem. In the Age of Scandal, you can't get any power or glory without doing something immoral or illegal. But Boz just didn't seem to get it.

At each of his annual reviews, despite getting "excellent" scores on "hirsuteness," "unibrow" and "jang jang," it was explained that continued "poor" ratings in the "scandal" category could get him removed. He said he was trying. He mentioned he'd been doing some pretty serious jaywalking. He pointed out that he sometimes didn't call his mother on the day he was supposed to. Most recently, he drunkenly revealed the secret location of a good friend's honeymoon destination to that friend's new wife on the day of their wedding. He thought these things were bad enough; he thought wrong.

So we're looking for someone new. "Ask Fisher" has a nice ring, doesn't it? All you have to do for us is "get your scandal on." We make it easy with nice prearranged scandal packages already developed. You might particularly like our "Caught Cheating with Former Roommate" set, complete with wig, "soiled" dress, and rutabagas. Sorry, but we've had to take our "Disgraced Evangelist," "Compromised Bush Administration Member," and "Bigoted Media Figure" packages off line for the time being. They're just too common these days.

We look forward to hearing from you. And if you see Boz, give 'im an old Super-ape kick in the jimmies for us, please.

Ask Boz

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