Dear Ask Boz,

Yes, our dear friend Kevin STILL hasn't gotten his power back from Hurricane Irene. And he's a hippy - so imagine how he smells two months later!

Along with answering questions poorly, I am also an unreliable consumer advocate. So, Kevin, I've been in touch with Connecticut Light and Power about your problem. They told me that they have sent several different crews out to your house after the storm, but since then they've moved pretty much all their resources to other projects. Plus, they mentioned that they're really tired of the whole Irene thing, because people were kinda mean to them and hurt their feelings.

Here's a report on the last few attempts to restore your power:

1. Initially after they got most people's power back, the crews were just freaking exhausted .. and then they got sooo DRUNK! They actually sent out three different groups of drunk workers to your house, but all they did was laugh and fall around your yard, and start fights with your neighbors. They actually hooked up your power, but then one of them peed on the connection, which shorted it out.

2. They put a group of Faith Healers on it, too. They don't actually get sent to the location. They're kept in the Little Sisters of Electricity Chapel on the campus of CL&P. They have been praying for your power to come back for the last two months. Although this method has been proven "100% ineffective," CL&P keeps the faith healers working so they can be categorized as a church and not pay taxes.

3. They sent out a Tea Party crew, but when they heard you were a Vegan, they exclaimed as one: "Let him eat flesh like HOLY GOD or damn his electricity and his stringbean hippy body!" And then they burned a cross in your yard. Sometimes they get a little confused about what group they're in.

4. The clown car crew was next. I was there! It was great ... there were like 15 clowns in the car - and they all came out with CL&P overalls on - it was funny! They juggled, and play fought, and there was a tiger, and they hooked up your electricity, and they broke chairs over each other, and rode around on those little teeny bicycles (so cute!) and then they unhooked your electricity and got back in the car - hilarious! I actually talked to you that day, and you told me you had a crazy acid flashback about clowns coming to hook up your electricity. You're really such a douche!

Anyhoo, I asked if they were going to send anyone else out, and the representative said, "What does a hippy Vegan need with electricity anyways? Go bathe in a stream, Jerry. You don't need lights to eat roots." Which is a pretty fair answer, if you think about it.

Boz

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