Will I get a promotion?

Yes! As the lucky #567th Asktater, you receive the Prize of Prizes: CEO of Ask Boz Central! Obviously this is a significant upgrade from your present position as "Assistant to the Remover and Disposer of Dead Bugs" for the "God Hates Bugs" Extermination Company. Of course, as AB CEO, you will be taking on a number of responsibilities. Since deciding to refuse this promotion means that you choose death, let's go over what this position entails:

- The main task of the CEO is to ensure quality control on all responses. Here are some of the criteria:
The answer will:
-degrade the questioner and/or reader, who are all a bunch of stupids.
-go off on inexplicable tangents. Plantains look like bananas, but sure don't taste like them.
Additionally, the answer should:
-contain numerous, poorly formatted lists that:
-confuse the reader
-break all normal listing conventions

You are protected by the CEO's "Republican Guard Slow Attack Squad," but YOU are responsible for their grooming. They are known to have the choicest, juiciest nits and ticks in the entire ABC. They're the "groomiest"!

You will represent Ask Boz on the Universal Council of Super-apes. You sit between the representative from Planet Xorgon, who's really funny but smells like bad fish, and the "Upser Pae Lysdexics Goranization" who, surprisingly, are not sensitive about their dyslexia at all. They spelled their name that way as a joke! Under no circumstances should you go "shot for shot" with any member of the UPLG. They're party animals!

So be here next Wednesday for the orientation, followed by the "Welcome Orgy"! We can't wait!

Ask Boz

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