Dear Ask Boz,

I think it sucks! I've spent thousands of years paying a serious karmic price for many of my previous lives! Sure, I'm doing OK now. Though I suspect all the hair is some sort of lingering punishment. Anyway, you probably want to know what I did before to earn all this bad karma.

Most of my crimes were fairly typical. You know, I burned some witches, tortured animals, filed incorrect tax returns, used a magnifying glass to focus a hot ray of sun on the back of a caterpillar and took sadistic joy as the smoke started to curl up, ignored old women who needed help crossing the road. Like I said, not all that bad, but those sorts of things just add up.

But then I would really do something pretty horrible. There was that one life where I would occasionally beat baby seals to death with kidnapped orphans. I mean, I know how bad that is, and I sincerely regret it, though, hehe, I gotta admit, I'm still kinda proud of that one - it's just sooooo evil, it's good, you know?

It didn't help bringing me back as a lower life form either. First, I came back as a bacteria and became the plague. Then, as an infected flea, I bit a rat and gave it the plague. Then I came back as a plague rat. And then as a cat, that ate the plague rat, then bit my owner, giving him the plague. See? I was just relentless.

But, really, the one that started it all was being Sauron's wife. I know, it's easy to look back now and say "What were you thinking?" But there was something about him ... he was so powerful, and rich, and he had such a beautiful eye. Honestly, I didn't know about the whole evil plot to take over Middle Earth! I thought he had all those orcs, giants and trolls over to the place because he just liked to party. Listen, I was really into champagne at the time, and Mordor was, like, a raging kegger there for a while. And those Nazgul were so kinky, they liked to ... well, maybe it's best not to talk about that.

So, yeah, I have some regrets. And, like I said, I feel like I've made some progress. Still, I have to avoid orphanages, and I have the worst urges when I go to Sea World. But, one life at a time, you know?

Boz

Last time: When will CL&P turn my power back on?

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