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What is sex?



Assuming you are a human being, sex can mean one of two things. It can mean gender assignment based on the primitive "genitalia model." As Super-Apes have no genitalia, (see artists rendition of what your human superstar "Michael Jackson" would look like if he was a Super-Ape) we only have one gender. Sex for humans also means when the stronger, dominant male chooses a weak female mate, and, if our understanding is correct, places his genitals in close proximity to hers, creating some sort of procreative field, thus eventually producing more mindless human offspring. Or, if you want a more "lady-friendly" version, the evil female, always looking to dominate the needy, stupid male, sinks her hooks into the man's flesh, and forces him to put his genitals near hers, thus creating more beings for her to twist and ruin. Please ignore that that was three things. Thanks ;)

At Ask Boz Central, of course, sex is much different. Despite our vast superiority, and lack of reproductive organs, it seems that every being wants some sort of sexual ritual to keep them healthy and sane. Being a collective, we had to find a way to get everyone involved. Thus, our "sex" is a very simple, elaborate, easy and profoundly difficult ritual. While we cannot release all the details, here are a few steps we take during our "squeaky boing-boing." Using a mortar and pestle, the sexy-shaman prepares a hot salsa love paste. Each person is then given a bowl of the paste, and a mixer, and brings the paste to a personally desirable consistency. Then, everyone smears the paste gently and evenly on a pre-selected partner with a dowel. Next, everyone holds very still and lets the paste dry and harden. Moving carefully so as not to flake off the precious paste of eros, we use our remote control blue fingers to slowly and gently, (or rapidly and harshly, depending on what the person is in to) remove the paste from each others' bodies. Then we get some chips and beer, heat up the sexy-paste until it is soft and edible, get really loaded and bloated and watch human porn until even the thought of the sex ritual makes us ill. Thus, we have no need to have sex for many months after, a feeling that many human wives can identify with.



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