Ask Boz
5/21/08
Name:Nicole Spencer
Location: CT
Question: Lately I've been getting a vibe from my girlfriend that she and her guy want to have a threesome with me. I think I want to do it to. (edit: yeah i am) The Guy won't be with me, because my friend and he don't want to cross that line...you know she would always be wondering about where is head is after that..--ha that's funny.
Anyway if I am with my girlfriend and her guy , and only she and I are getting each other off...is it really a threesome or is it more like up close and personal voyerism.
And of course, there is this guy that i want to be with in the same way, i would love to turn him on with the same rules.I don't know if i can count him in or not though.??
Don't most guys want to be with a girl willing to explore?
Also we were trying to figure out this answer: in most threesomes does the male get involved with both females or only one (not counting porn-in "real" life) Thanks Boz Baby
and another.. how do i stop having feelings for a guy who can't figure out a way to either begin new with me or end it? Why is it that guys just think that we will forget about them if they don't call and end it? dont they know that girls need closure and they need to say i don't want to see you anymore if that's what they want. why would a guy not want to be hooked with a girl who likes well....see my posts...here there and everywhere
Ask Boz is always axtreaorian-o-ordarily confused when someone asks us a question that seems real. Does the akstater just not get it, that this site is the only place to go for guaranteed bad answers? Or is this some sort of Post-Modern Ask Boz anti-question that cleverly reveals that AB.C is not a real advice site, so what better than to actually ask a real question, just to point our the great irony of it all, and thus causing the more annoying forces in the universe (karma, grapefruit juice, delusions of peace) gain more power. It just makes us realize what an amazing bullshit tightrope-act real advice columns are, and makes us so glad we have embraced anti-answers.
Is it wrong that we just want this so called nikki to abandon all human interaction and explore forbidden "woman on omni-gendered Super Ape" love? Is it wrong that we imagine her shaving just a little patch of our hair, revealing our pale and vulnerable under-skin, that she then calls "our secret mankind place"? Is it wrong, for just a little while, that we believe we're really human, capable of confusing threesome love, and not fictional creations bandied about by a crazy semi-anonymous creator? Is it wrong that we want to take a bushel of carrots, lube 'em up, and ... oh wait ... yeah, that's obviously wrong.
Well, in case this is a real question, here's a crack at being an actual advice column. And speaking of crack, Nikki, smoke some. After that, eat some hot wings. Those two should really angry up the blood and get your thoughts completely swirling. Invite the guy and girl from the first question to come over. While you're at it, invite the guy you have feelings for, too. Get a lot of red Asian lantern shaped light covering thingies and cut disturbing, jagged holes in them with a knife. Leave the knife laying around. Prepare every food associated with sex: clams, chocolate, edible panties, turnips, SpagghetiO's, and flan (whatever that is). Put on your sexiest Barry White/Nirvana mashup album, put Scarface on the big screen with the sound off, and get the mood just right for some sort of wild all night drug and alcohol soaked sexy explosions. As soon as the four arrive, take your top off. Then start to cry. Begin a long, digressive, tortured narrative about the generations of women in your family, and how they were all tricked or fooled or bamboozled into having troubling foursomes with people that they thought cared about them. Then talk for a while about how, generations ago, there was no indoor plumbing, and how awfully smelly poor-people foursomes were in the sixteen-hundreds. Then stop talking for a while, stare abstractedly at a wall, and, after a few minutes, mumble "Shadowfax." Then get back to your female ancestors terrible foursome history, until it is clear that everyone feels just awful about even thinking about doing such a strange and sexually abandoned act. Then take off your pants and say "Alright, destiny sucks and I feel totally violated, but let's do this." (Note: While the other girl will feel really awful, the guys will have their pants off before you say the word "violated.")
This should effectively drive all your friends away, leaving you no choice but to embrace Ask Boz as your Super-Ape lover. Which, pathetically, is all we made this website for. We just want you to love us. please.....
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