Asktation

Dear Ask "don't call me Mark" Boz

Some of my friends persist in calling me "Danger Muffin" in reverence to some year-old Ask Boz response I got from you. Unfortunately now, others who don't know the background ask me where the nickname came from, and it is very difficult to explain. How would you explain where this name came from?

-Danger "don't call me Ranger Mittens" Muffin

Responsorial

For the long time arch-enemy of Ask Boz, you seem to have a terrifically short memory. You have already forgotten that I wrote an entire trilogy about you?

Wait ... did you really forget? Or do you read it again and again? Don't you read those three posts over and over, delving deeper and finding wiser ways to fulfill your rightful Muffinhood. You have learned to embrace it, Danger ... you take it in your hand and slather butter on it.

Yes, you know the answer to your question, Drastic Mousetrap. And you know what you've done to me!

Unless you've also forgotten when you used your powers as Dick Manhole, PI, to try to bring Ask Boz up on the charge of a Class 1 Reduction in Funny. But you accused us, Diffident Mandweeb, of something that wasn't a crime. If it was a crime, the Simpsons would have been arrested long ago.

And have you also forgotten when Ask Boz, despite all the evil you have done to us, took you in and nursed you back to health after your "father" abandoned you? You have? Well, then read Delicate Monster: The story of the Frankenstein monster's even sensitiver younger brother. You really were pretty sensitive. You cried so much, it was hard to figure out what to do to help. All you wanted was food, and you got all fat on ho-hos and anchovies, until you stank like dead rat. That's when we flew you by helicopter to the artic and shoved you out on a glacier. A little tough love didn't seem to hurt. Ohh. We are sorry about calling you a "sissy beast" that whole time. That wasn't nice..........Sissy Beast!

We can go on with the other names you used to disguise your identity, and the story behind each, Dunkey Munchkin. Like when you disguised yourself as the sultry lounge singer, Danish Manboob, and tried to tempt Ask Boz into bed to get our secrets. Or, when Ask Boz was King, and you tried to get to be our closest adviser by laughing at all our jokes, Dandy Milftights.

We wish you could see that we just want what's best for you, which is for you to be served in a little crown shaped paper basket, all browned and moist. Maybe with some succulent blueberries in your sweet fair skin. Everyone wants you to be their Darling Muffin!

Ask Boz

---

Home