Dear Ask Boz,

We Omni-sexuals cannot be identified as "straight," so I would have to say no. Nor is gay a word that can be suitably attached to us, either.

Sure, we Omnisexuals love the mysterious slink of women, and the sweaty stink of men. But we are not content to simply stick to our species. Instead, we are hot for everything in Nature. And I mean EV REE THING.

So, there's your answer. But your question got me intersted in something. I really don't know how you would label us. Maybe we need to identify some characteristics of our sexuality so we can figure it out.

You know you're an Omnisexual when:

• you look up at the stars and feel each little light twinkling on your skin.
• you know trees intimately, you have caressed their leaves, and you know the texture of the roots, the bole, the trunk and the branches. And you're working on the twigs.
• you see cloud shapes that you wouldn't tell your mother about.
• you see gentle mounds of wet, loamy soil, and say "How you doin'?"
• you see rocks hump up from the ground and you slow down, and your look lingers.
• you spin so the sun wraps your whole skin.
• you see the seasons as four different lovers.
• you enter the ocean.
• you think nature programs are better than porn.
• you have called a bush "supple."
• you have to hide your scent from certain obsessed herds of deer.
• your idea of "good game" is different than most.
• you have held a beef cow as it bleated its final moo, and whispered to it about the good times.
• you consider rolling in the grass to be group sex.
• you have fainted on your way in to a meadow.

Boz

Last time: What should I wear for Halloween?

You've seen it in the news - now read the real story: Will Archie really marry Veronica?

Archive of the latest responses.

Hey! Let's face it, Ask Boz updates once a week at best. Instead of having to check back, get the update sent to you. Click here and add Ask Boz to your feeds.

Subscribe It's easy and free, like Boz.
Important note: This is a new feed service. The old one broke.

Share on Facebook

NOW! Vote for us at Humor Links

We are listed in the Comedy Zone