Dear Ask Boz
What are the plate tettonics?
Jon, Arizona

Plate tettonics is one of the millions of misspelled scientific ideas. Because no such idea actually exists, plate tettonics can be anything you want it to be. It could be the theory that there are actually tectonic plates inside of our dinner plates. Which would be cool, if you think about it. At last, you can make your carefully constructed mashed potato volcano actually erupt!

Or it could be a theory about the number of people that would laugh if a plate-spinner winged a plate off by mistake and conked someone on the head. In fact, our newly formed "Plate Tettonics Estimating Team" estimates that in a crowd of 100 people, 37 would laugh and another fifteen people would "cough-laugh." The statistics change when it is a child that gets hit with a plate. Your world government has asked us not to release the results, but, really, you humans should be ashamed of yourselves.

You might want to know about some other misspelled sciences:

Thermos Dynamics, involves predicting what beverage is contained in any given thermos. Did you know that 72% of all contractors are drunks?!

Sting Theory has three main branches:

1. The measure of "ouchyness" from a bee sting.
2. The owner of Bilbo's sword Sting if the history of Tolkein's world is continued. At present in Slightly-to-the-Left Earth, a Hobbitess of uncertain morals named Dalma Footstink owns Sting. It is rumored that she keeps an Orc captive in a cave several miles away so, when she feels like it, she can walk close to it to make Sting glow blue.
3. The point at which Sting's music will become so mellow that it actually collapses in on itself and ironically sucks all the mellowness out of the world.

Untelligent Design The theory that the universe was created by a pot-smoking slacker. See, that's why it took trillions of years for it all to happen. It was sooo tiring! And it's so easy to get so lost in the intricacies of creating everything. Then there's all the cool patterns in things. Have you ever looked at the grass in the moonlight? Have you seen the intricate patterns in all plants? It's soooo cool. And did you ever wonder why the earth produces soooooo much food? God has the munchies!

OK, kids, now you go nutty and invent your own nonsciences - it's FUN!

Just to clarify, misspelled scientific ideas should not be confused with legitimate Pseudo-Sciences such as Astrology, Gemology and Necrophilia.

Last time: How Ask Boz destroys the planet.

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