Ask Boz
7/6/08
First Name: TVA Question: Connecticut
Question: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of the AskBoz-Pop?
This questions makes Ask Boz tingly in the banned places. In fact, Ask Boz has to close the Super Ape training facility in Indonesia because the following answer will break several of their more harsh Politeness and Decorum laws. Hey, it's not that Super Apes aren't into being caned; we just like it on our own terms.
Let us first define what it means to successfully reveal the Tootsie center of the AskBoz-Pop. It means you have tongued away all the smooth, delicious, sugary layers of the hard pop itself, until you finally reveal the succulent brown roll of chocolate on the end of the white stick. When you reach the sweet core, don't chomp right away. Continue to lick until the brown center of the AskBoz-Pop shines. Not only is this pleasant for you and the AskBoz-Pop, but also cleaning the area around the Tootsie Roll will prevent you from making the crunchy gooey sugary sticky mess brought on by premature chewing.
Now that we have the basics down, on to your question. Each flavor of the AskBoz-Pop requires a different number of licks. The Cherry Red AskBoz-Pop, which is grape flavored, requires either 42 quick licks, or 21 long and languorous ones. The Lime Surprise! pop is best team-licked because it takes 314 licks to successfully clean the Tootsie center free of any remnants of the pop. Still, if you'd like to try it for yourself, we advise a slow and steady pace while making sure you tongue the entire sphere of the pop evenly. Frequent rests are recommended; twirl the pop stick gently between your hands as you give your tongue and jaw a break.
For a quicker experience, it only takes 7 licks on the tiny AskBoz Samwise Gamgee Special Edition Hobbit-Pop to get to the wee little Tootsie Roll in the center.
We had to create a licking machine to try to get to the center of the AskBoz Glue-Pop. It's been licking since 1982, and it still hasn't made it. We'd check the number of licks it's up to, but that'd mean getting up.
Then, of course there is the confusing Tootsie Pop Tootsie-Pop. You know, it's, like, all Tootsie. How can you know when you've reached the Tootsie core when the whole thing is made of Tootsie? Answer us, Dammit!
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