THE ASKTATION

In a recent, incredibly boring, email exchange between Summer League captains Kevin and Frank, the most startling term was used .. "up sucking." So the question was asked by Kevin, even though he was the one who accused Frank of "up sucking," 'what does up sucking mean?' You see, Kevin can ask questions about his own speech, because he is a dirty smelly hippy who doesn't know any better. So, in our generous verbosity, we will amend Kevin's ignorance, and even make up for it!

RESPONSORIAL

Up suck originally came from the Old Middle Left French word "upette" (pronounced "fromage") which meant "down." "Suck" came from the word "suckreblu" (pronounced "run away!") which meant "blow". So as you can see, "up suck" originally meant "down blow."

But, like most words after they leave sweet, open-minded, accepting France, the meaning of "up suck" has changed greatly. In fact, each culture it migrated to had a different meaning. In Transylvania, it became a name for vampires. Amongst soda jerks, it is the name given to those children that make a semi-vulgar bubbling sound as they finish their drinks.

For the Yanamamushmen, up-suck is pronounced "@!snap%*crackle!*^%^pop%$...clik", and it means "we would love to exchange our primitive, close to the earth lifestyle, for a culture where material things are put before people. Thank you for conquering us, and ripping away our ways and beliefs, in advance, Sincerely, the Bushmananos." Very proactive, really, those Yanabushmos, when it comes to being overrun and having their culture destroyed.

But, of course, you are asking about what "up suck" means in American, not Australian or Denmarkian. We've analyzed the context you used it in. It seems clear, Frank, unfortunately, that the only reasonable interpretation is that "you are a cross-dressing jerk." Honestly, we find the cross-dressing part raises you "askbozkool" index to a whopping "neatoteen", but the "jerk" part def makes your level go down to a depressing "fauxmama"... You are a jerk, apparently, but, as far as things go, you are our jerk, which makes you just another part of the askboz super-special bling-blang family machine. Whooo-chaaa!

Yours,

Ask Boz

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