Ask Boz,
When it comes to Ultimate Frisbee, does size matter?
Dennis Cronin, CT

Dear Dennis

Of course! If a girl was, say, 8'6", and, like, lanky and fast with mad explosive ups, great catches and precise throws, than I want to play with her, 'cause she'd just completely freakin' dominate. You know? And on the opposite end, if the player is only one foot tall, then his disadvantages would be numerous. Get what we mean? No? Ok. First, one foot tall is soooooo shooooooooooort. Seriously, the only discs he could contest for would have to be thrown knee high! And that is if he's a one foot tall player with a one foot vertical! And just think about his little tiny fingers! How is he going to catch a grown man's frisbee? Can he even lift 175 grams? Did you ever think of that, Dennis, you callous lout?

And that brings up weight. Now, Ask Boz has played against some heavy guys that knew how to bring it; they really playe yayas to the wall. But, if by "size" we're talking some 823 pound dude who needs to winched onto the field, well, I'd probably pass on him in the draft, if you know what I'm saying. Conversely, if some Calista-Flockhart-thin sized player came out, Ask Boz knows we'd spend too much time doing our best Italian-Mother-speaking-broken-English impression, where we say, "You-a eat-a, you-a are-a so thin-a!" Oh, Ragu Muerte, it's funny when we pretend to be old Italian women. Oh, my. Hahahha. We put on the dresses and viels, and drink lots of wine, and cook Italian food. We are so in character. Frankly, it totally alienates the other people on the team, so eventually we realize that everyone is having a bad time because of us, and we feel really bad, though we are all laughing, and we actually don't care.

Honestly, Dennis, this question brought up a lot of hurtful things. You're kind of insensitive. Why are we even answering this? You suck, Dennis!

These are the orginal posts from ctultimate.com. Many of them contain references to the sport of Ultimate, which many think is a a dirty, smelly, hippy sport played by smelly, dirty, stoned-out hippies that smell like they're dirty, even under the smell of patchouli and cannabis. However, our sport has evolved to be just as cut-throat and steroid focused as any other. We even have on field killings! How cool is that? Sucks to be hockey, if you know what we mean.

So as you read these, and Ultimate is mentioned, just stick in references to your favorite sport. So if it says "forehand," think "screwball." If it says "I took him deep," think "I like it high and inside." If it says "they high-fived," feel free to insert "he patted him on the butt." You get it? No? Well, then you're stupid. Enjoy!

Ask Boz at Ctultimate.com