Ask Boz
10/6/08
Dear Ask Boz If you can see Las Vegas from the moon how come you can't see Yao Ming?
We would love to answer this question directly, but the Ask Boz Space Fleet is not devoted to research or exploration. Rather, it is focused on launching terribly expensive love palaces into orbit, there to be visited by obscenely rich men and women, who commit unspeakable acts of fornication in null gravity. If you have the money, you can ride our rocket and dock it right on the swankiest, swingingest Love Satellite this side of Vega.
We also have a pretty nice cottage industry going in shag rugs, disco decorations and wood paneling, so that our aging and tragically unhip customers can feel comfortable as they spin around the earth and have all the sex their empty demon souls can devour. How we hate the rich; how we love their money.
So, we sent this one over to our good friends in China. As any moral nation, Ask Boz only trades with totalitarian regimes, dictators, despots, pirates, religious madmen, ethnic cleansers, and Republican vice-presidents. The Chinese have a fledgling space program, and they needed the money we were waving around. So they took on the mission to spot Las Vegas and Yao Ming.
Ordered by his superiors to look for "The Pulsing Light of Sin," * here is a photo of taikonaut Pei Lin telling the people of Las Vegas to bet the number 4 on the roulette wheel. How are they seeing him? From the new Hubble Casino .
With the easy success of the first part of the mission, the men were confident they would easily see Yao. After all, they had been training for years back on Earth. In this training photo, we see the crew saluting Yao Ming. They spent several days looking at the giant man so they could easily recognize him from space.
After a few days of futile searching it doesn't take long for the depression to set in. They just can't seem to find him!
On their return to earth, the taikonauts are greeted by the laughter of the millions who are all in on the joke: Yao Ming had been hiding from them behind the Great Wall. They grudgingly join in the fun, and are heard to say, "OK, Yao, you got us, come on out!"
And does he ever come out! Here the giant Yao, not done with his joking, sneaks up behind the taikonauts dressed in his own Yao-sized spacesuit:
So, due to those wacky, joking Chinese, we cannot give you a complete answer to your question. However, our next mission to the love satellite Star 69 is readying for launch. So if you have 10 million dollars and a taste for perverse acts with 70 year olds, then why don't you go see for yourself.
* Coincidently the name of our third Love Satellite.
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